What's The Definition of a Man's Man?

What is a man's man?

A guy with a hairy back who doesn't give a flying fuck about it? Someone who can sink ten pints, fart the national anthem, and then requests extra chili sauce on his kebab at 2am? Maybe that was the case back in the 70's and 80's, but it couldn't be further from the truth nowadays. Or could it?

Let's be honest, could we say a man's man is someone who waxes his chest, manscapes his ballsack, plucks his eyebrows, and wears skinny jeans?

Have men of today gone soft?

Has the rise of technology, increase in comfy office jobs, and the decrease in manual labour turned us into a nation of pussies? Take MMA for example, the Russians and other Eastern Europeans are known for being tough mother fuckers because they grew up in much harsher conditions than pampered nations such as the UK and USA. Why does everyone keep dodging Khabib Nurmagomedov? It might have something to do with the fact the crazy fucker was wrestling bears as a kid, I shit you not! It then takes a ballsy Mexican to go toe to toe with him.  

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There is, without doubt, a growing sensitivity in society. It isn't a bad thing to be a decent guy, who respects other people, has feelings and shows a sensitive side. However, it's also necessary to stand up for yourself, speak your mind and, to an extent, show a tough exterior. Accepting vulnerability is one thing but showing weakness is a whole different ballgame. 


As with most things in life, success and fulfillment come from balance. No one is going to respect a male chauvinist pig who believes woman belong in the kitchen cooking or stuck indoors bringing up the kids. But then again, the majority of men take the piss out of a stay at home dad whilst the woman goes to work. You would never have heard of it thirty years ago and yet you hear of it more and more nowadays.

Where has the manliness gone from society?

It's 12th January 1915, Arthur Morton is boarding a ship to go and fight for his country. He is cold, scared and hungry but refused to show his feelings to anyone around him. Arthur was just fifteen years old. Another poignant fact was that Arthur wasn't the only child to board the ship. He was surrounded by equally scared kids who had lied about their age in order to fight for their country. 

Could you imagine the same happening today? Kids whine about having to go outside in the rain. Adults hide behind their keyboards, slagging people off on social media and, dates are prearranged from the comfort of their smartphones on apps like Bumble and Tinder.

The stark truth is clear to see. We are going soft due to modernism and technology. It starts from the moment we supposedly start to grow up. In a society where scores are not kept in kids sports anymore. Medals being handed out for 8th place - WTF. Part of growing up and learning in life is knowing what it feels like to lose. Without losers, there can be no winners. 

Kids can do what the hell they want, yet no parent can give their kid a smack on the arse in fear of social services getting involved. There has to be balance in life and none more so than balancing caring love with tough love. Let a boy be a boy, and then teach him empathy as he grows older. It cant be taught the other way around. 

When I was a kid I ate dirt when playing the garden, got into fights with other kids in my street, and got my fair share of clips around the ear from adults I had pissed off by playing knock down ginger. I can remember getting picked on by an older kid and telling my Mother about it. She told me to put my school bag down and marched me around to the kid's house to fight him. Did I want to? No, but it taught me that you stand up for yourself in life. Was she right to do that? That's questionable, but I never ran from anyone again. 

Yet I have grown up and turned into a fairly decent guy, who respects women, accepts vulnerability as a strength, shaves his chest and yet would still be classed as a man's man by my mates. There is a big difference being a man's man and a meathead. 


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A man who posses no attributes related to strength or toughness is considered useless. It pays to remember, that both strength and toughness doesn't necessarily have to be of a physical nature. The world for the best part, hasn't changed, it's only society that has changed. The planet we live on is a brutal place where only the strong survive.

Can toughness be learnt as an adult?

Yes, and it can be learnt almost immediately by simply deciding to take action. That might be telling a work colleague to go fuck himself the next time he pisses you off. Or it might be to face up to the fact that you are in a relationship that doesn't make you happy. Whatever it is taking action is both constructive and fulfilling.

Learning to be tough doesn't have to be signing up for an MMA fight or entering Badwater 135. Some guys are never going to be a man's man because it's not in their nature, but that doesn't mean you cant be tough. Also, be aware of the difference between being mentally tough and physically tough. Both have their advantages. Take the SAS for example, rarely will you find a hench ripped hulk of a guy in this elite squadron. Why? Because, to pass the training it is more about mental strength and toughness. Physically, your body will give up but, it's your mental strength that keeps you going and pushing through the pain barrier. The key is to find your strengths and play to them. If you think of yourself as weak then you will need to dig deep and work on your weaknesses. Nothing of true value is easily obtained.

What can you do today that will change your future?

Are you guilty of taking the easy option when it's presented to you? Going to the pub for a few pints when you should be hitting the gym. Great in the short term, but it sucks when you are on holiday conscious of your fat gut and love handles. Especially when a guy with a great body walks by. Typically most men who experience that situation will in their own mind start to look at things they might be better at. It's called justifying your weaknesses - "he might have a better body but, I bet I earn more money, or I bet I've got a bigger dick, and so on. Come on we have all done it at some point in our life. 

Face your fear and suddenly the world becomes a better place

Scared to go for that promotion or a new job, because it will require you to step outside your comfort zone. Learn things you might not know, stretch yourself and really test your metal. That my friend is called growth, and with growth comes fulfillment. 

Aspire to become better. Whether that's making more money, better relationships, or simply making the decision to change for the better. Become fearless in your approach to life. An alpha male needn't be hard in a physical sense, it can simply be attributes like making decisions in life to become better. The want and need to become the best version of yourself in order to be happy and fulfilled. 

Society will tell you that you needn't worry about standing out and to be comfortable with who you are. But, that in itself is far from the point. I have yet to meet a man who is truly happy with simply letting life pass them by. Man up, toughen up and go and make a lasting impact in your life.

Man the fuck up buttercup

Society is getting soft. More and more men are developing an expectant attitude towards life. Well, guess what? You are in for a big shock because life doesn't owe you anything. You have been blessed to be put on this earth but it's up to you to make your own path in life, be that what you will.


Confidence comes through consistency. Consistently doing something over and over again and you will become more confident in your ability to do that particular thing. It really is that simple. 

Don't get confidence and delusional confidence mixed up because the latter is merely ignorance in disguise. Confidence founded on reality is much more powerful. 

What can you do today that you have been putting off because it feels uncomfortable? Asking a certain woman out on a date, challenging a colleague on something that's been pissing you off at work, or changing up some habits like losing weight, or getting in shape and taking up a sport or activity that you used to love as a kid, but lost interest as you got older?

What's the worst that can happen?

Author - Damian King 

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